SO, you think the world isn't watching the fiasco in the USA ?
Saturday
Friday
New Sunburn Treatment
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs'
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs'
Wednesday
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1 People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this?
5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Tuesday
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old
girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the
bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they
would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day
the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She
called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing
a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every
night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses)
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she
asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and
cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints
on the mirror.
There are teachers .. and then there are educators
was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old
girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the
bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they
would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day
the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She
called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing
a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every
night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses)
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she
asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and
cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints
on the mirror.
There are teachers .. and then there are educators
Saturday
A History Lesson on Mayo
Most people don't know
Back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment
scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the
next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise
ever delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not
make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo
was forever lost.
The people of Mexico , who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were
eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish
was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
of course, as Sinko De Mayo.
WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
Back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment
scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the
next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise
ever delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not
make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo
was forever lost.
The people of Mexico , who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were
eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish
was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
of course, as Sinko De Mayo.
WHAT??? You expected something educational from me?
Friday
Wednesday
Father - Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?' She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican party.'
If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between Republican and Democrat let me know.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?' She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican party.'
If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between Republican and Democrat let me know.
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