HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

 

 

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don't use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Twirl Just In Case

 

           

 
This is exactly why you should always, ALWAYS... twirl once in front of the mirror before leaving the house...But just think how many people she made smile throughout the day

Twirl Just In Case

 

           

 
This is exactly why you should always, ALWAYS... twirl once in front of the mirror before leaving the house...But just think how many people she made smile throughout the day

WOULDN'T BE HEAVEN WITHOUT DOGS

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.


 
 He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.  


 
 
 
          After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. 


  
 When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
 When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 
 
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. 


 Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 
 
 
 
 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked. 

 
 
 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' 
 
 
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
 
 After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. 
 
 As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 

 
 'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'  


 
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.' 


 
 
 
 'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

 
 'There should be a bowl by the pump.' 

 
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
 
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

 When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 
 
 
 'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

 
 'This is Heaven,' he answered.  

 
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 

 
  'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 

 'No, NOT AT ALL... we're just happy that they screen out ALL THE LOSERS WHO'D leave their best friends behind.

I Tried It, I Liked It!!!!!

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I tried it...I liked it...you will too!!



The older we get the more important it is to incorporate

exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain

cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.




If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do

more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.

Warning:It may be too strenuous for some.





Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!





SCROLL DOWN.............





























































NOW SCROLL UP...



That's enough for the first day. Great job!!!



Have a glass of wine.


Other Links You Might Like:

http://houseofwolfsberg.com/wordpress
http://wolfbeckonings.blogspot.com
http://clickbankvendibles.blogspot.com

All In A Point Of View

In South Los Angeles, a fourplex was destroyed by a fire. A Nigerian family

of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.

An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from

Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.

Six LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too,

died.

One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire. Jesse

Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA, met

with the fire chief, on camera. They loudly demanded to know why the

Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white

couple lived.

The fire chief said simply- --"They were at work."

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.







2. All idiots, after reading #1, will try it.







3. And discover that #1 is a lie.







4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot. 











5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.








6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.




I apologize about this .

But I'm an idiot and I needed company.....